


Your letter

by afangirlsplaylist



Category: Rhett & Link
Genre: Angst, Homophobia, Multi, talk/discussion of homophobia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-10
Updated: 2018-05-14
Packaged: 2018-11-30 04:47:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11456304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/afangirlsplaylist/pseuds/afangirlsplaylist
Summary: After giving Lilly a notebook Link discovered something cathartic about journalling. So he came up with a system for dealing with pain and anger - he writes letters. Letters to people that have hurt him that they're never meant to see. These are the letters.Loosely based on the idea of the tapes from 13 reasons why.





	1. John Carson

**Author's Note:**

> This fic will be written entirely (or maybe mostly depending on where this goes) in letters. It focuses on people from Link's life that he's told stories about on the show BUT this is entirely fictitious. Please note that though this gets personal any relation to actual events these letters have is entirely coincidental or merely inspiration for fiction.

**John Carson.**

  
_I never knew much about you. I guess we kind of skipped that part. All I knew was that you were a very lost and confused person. Back then it was simpler and I would've just called you an asshole but I know better now. I want to hate you for everything you did but part of me feels sorry for you, even now. Maybe that's why you don't understand what you did to me at the time. Or maybe you just didn't care._

  
_There's this thing about closets. Sometimes they're barely a hole in the wall big enough to fit a shoe box, and sometimes they're Narnia. You start off walking into a nine by nine-inch space and then those feelings come along and suddenly you're finding your way through never-ending_ paths, _or struggling through pitch black forests._

  
_You were on the Narnia end - so far from coming out that you might've been captured by the white witch half way through (sorry for the Narnia allusions, my kids have been watching it). You never once admitted, not even in private, that you were gay. That's okay, I never told anyone I was bi in the interest of not being flayed alive in our town. I wasn't even sure that was what I was at the time._

  
_I liked you when I first met you. I think everybody did. You have a... I don't what you'd call it but you had this swagger about you. A confidence. You were tall - the jock king of the whole grade and not entirely unpleasant on the eyes. I'll admit that. I thought when I met you and the other guys on the team I might actually have found some new friends. Even if I had to suffer a wedgie for it._

  
_But then Tina caught us kissing. Do you remember it? You told everyone I cornered you behind the bleachers and kissed you first because I was crushing on you. So badly that I just had to get my 'homo spreading' lips on yours. But that's not really how it happened, is it? That's your version that I guess helped you sleep at night._  
_The truth is you kissed me first. Do you remember now? You pulled me over to the bleachers when everyone else had gone home and kissed me, crying almost the whole time. I know you were crying because I remember how wet and salty it was._

  
_You probably didn't know this part but that was my first kiss with a guy. Everyone found out about it - you made sure of it. Rhett's father forbid me from being near him for an entire week, just in case the rumours were true and he caught 'fag'. I had to watch the man who thought of me as a son turn his back on me and encourage the only brother I had to do the same. But that's okay, all the arguing about it made my mom and Jimmy split up, so when I lost my step-sister too I was numb to it. I guess I have you to thank for that. It helps that I still lie and say she meant nothing to me, because now that I've said it enough times I've started to believe it's true._

  
_If it's any consolation we're okay now. Rhett's dad and I. He didn't have any choice but to ignore the rumours once Rhett started sneaking out to hang out with me. I even got myself a girlfriend not long after. Don't get me wrong though - it wasn't the same for a long time. Our hometown prejudices take a long time for conservative folks like Rhett's dad to grow out of, you probably know that. Even when I started going over to Rhett's house again I would still catch him watching me when I got close to Rhett. Honestly, I'm not sure he truly breathed easy until Rhett's wedding, even if he'd got over the worst of his prejudices by then._

  
_I know why you started the name calling and the punches now. It was to protect yourself. I guess I can't blame you - it must be easy to pass scrawny, girly Neal off as the gay. Otherwise, they would've taken it out on you. I guess part of me knew that when begged me not to tell anyone after the kiss. Because I never did, did I? Not even when you turned on me. Not even when Rhett caught you bullying me and I had to give him an excuse for why you were beating the crap out of me after practice. All to prove to your friends that you weren't gay._

  
_Do you know what's it like to be the butt of ridicule like that? I don't imagine you do since you used me as a shield. So let me tell you. It's like.... someone literally crushing your heart in front of you before stomping on it. At least when you're the popular jock others will be laughing with you rather than at you - or sometimes they even think you're cool just because you did something stupid or embarrassing._

  
_I hope that, wherever you are, you have a better understanding of that. Now that we're in the real world where whose more popular doesn't matter. If you must know who is though I'll tell you for the sake of keeping you informed - I am. Unless you have a Youtube channel I don't know about._

  
**Sleep well Carson,**

  
**Link Neal**


	2. Jessie

**Jessie.**

_ I know you don't deserve to be in these letters, but it's only fair that I write to people I've hurt too. At least that's what my therapist tells me anyway.  _

_ I'm sorry I said you don't deserve him. I was drunk, jealous and a sad, lonely man that night. It’s just that it’s hard to trust someone enough to give him away to. You of all people know that we’re basically the same person - to a point where it’s scary. So to give him away is to give part of me away too. But I wouldn’t have blamed you if you’d told him what I said. It would’ve been a great way to hurt me back, but you didn’t mention it anyway. Thank you. You're a better person than I am. _

_ Because you do deserve him. I don't know what he’s told you about the women before you but he wasn't happy for a long time. He was dead inside Jess. That's a big reason why our friendship has survived for so long. I couldn’t just leave him and run off for film school on my own when he needed me. Oath or not oath. I'm not going to lie and say I was happy with engineering either but you should've seen him before you came along. He could've gone for a basketball scholarship or chased our dreams with me years earlier, but somehow we both got stuck in engineering. He put on a front of contentment to make feel better about doing it but I could tell he hated it too. _

_ I don’t regret it now obviously, and I know Rhett doesn’t either - I see it when we’re filming. So I have no grudge about it, and I wouldn’t change anything. We wouldn’t have any of this if Rhett’s dad hadn’t talked us into something practical, or if you and Chris’ hadn’t talked us back out of it.  _

_ I remember him coming home after he met you. He was trying to stop himself from going for it because you were younger but he just wouldn’t shut up about you. Even as he raved on about how it’d never work I just waiting for him to give in and call you. It went on so long it got kind of boring actually. I was skeptical about you at first, for the sake of the best friend thing - but you made him so happy. He was practically a zombie for half of that first year of college and you got him to smile. I had some childish moments where I resented it, because I couldn’t get him to do that for me and I’d known him longer. But as I watched him fall for you I felt awful for thinking it. Worse than awful. Just because I was around longer doesn’t mean I have any more right to him than you. I probably should’ve remembered that before I said what I said. _

_ I didn’t have much to be jealous of before you. He pretended like the girls he went with that year meant something, but he was basically just passing time, cruising through distractions while he waited for you. I know the guy, so I know when he's faking it - and when he's with you he's definitely not faking it. He's genuinely happy. I don't think I've ever actually thanked you for that.  _

_ We're a good team though, aren't we Jess? We’re so similar asides from you being less of a screw up. I used to look at you when the four of us would hang out and think about that. You must have thought I was just being weird or creepy - maybe even doing the best friend thing again and sizing you up before I gave him away to you. But I wasn't. I was clinging to hope that he was looking for or could love someone like me.  _

_ That’s why I really said it. I never really thought you were undeserving of him, I didn’t think I was. This whole letter has basically been me dicking around the fact that I said it because I still want to be what you are to him. Or rather - I want him. I probably should have told you sooner, huh? Before you told me to work with him. Before your wedding. Before you let me into your first home with him. Or heck, even before you started dating. But you always had a feeling right? If thousands of people can see it I doubt it’d slip by you. Maybe you not telling him wasn’t about forgiveness at all and you were just worried he’d know the real reason I said it. That only makes me more glad you didn’t, because you’re right - he would know. He always knows. I’ve never been able to give him so much as a freaking surprise party because he can read me like a book.   _

_ What I’m trying to say is I’m sorry. I love him - but I love you too, like a sister. Nothing happened and it probably never will, I  can live with that.  _

**Always,**

**Link Neal**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are love, please leave one <3


	3. Christy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please remember this is purely fiction. Not one word of this is meant to reflect the thoughts, feelings or history of any real person. No disrespect meant <3

**Christy.**

_ Baby.  _

_ You never knew but I found out about him around two months after you started texting. About a month before you actually told me. I never said I knew because it was so soon after a huge fight and you never acted on it. I know that because you were constantly with the kids or me anyway. I guess part of me was just scared or angry that you _ **_wanted_ ** _ to act on it, and if I confronted you it’d be all the push you needed. I didn’t even care who he was, only why you went to him.  _

_ In retrospect I know it was nothing, and I want you to know I’m okay. We’re okay. Still, it feels good to have it written on paper. To write it and leave it behind on the page. And actually, when I think about it, we were both a little stupid in that first year. _

_ You know that kiss I told you about? The kiss I made you promise not to blame Rhett for or talk to them about? Well… If I'm honest - it never happened. I was just so angry at the time that I had to think of something to hurt you. After all, you’ve always thought there was something between me and Rhett anyway. I see it when you look at the two of us. _

_ The reality is I don’t know how he tastes and I don’t know how he feels. I don’t even know if he’d let me kiss him if I tried. But I want to, and I figured if anything could hurt you it would be that. I really am sorry for that part - truly. _

_ The fact is I love you both. I love you and I always have loved you. I love him too. _

_ I wouldn’t take anything back. I wouldn’t turn around or skate away from you at that ice rhink. But I can’t take back anything with him either. I think you know as well as I do that it’s not possible. You were both always going to be in my life. I can’t help being drawn to him. _

_ Lastly, I wanna say I forgive you. I forgave you a long time ago, really. I just hope you can forgive me too. _

_ I love you. _

_ Yours always, _

_ Link _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are love :) please leave one <3


	4. Cole

**Cole.**

 

_I’m not sure whether I want to vent or apologize right now, but here we are._

_I guess for years I was angry and jealous that Rhett had you, and I had no right to be. It wasn’t your fault, you didn’t make me an only child. But I guess part of me always wanted what you guys had._

_It hurt. It made me want to cry and punch something every time you called him Rhettster. Every time you teased him or showed up to pick him up from his basketball games. Every time I saw you all together at the dinner table. It hurt worse than being alone did._

_But I’ve grown up since then and in retrospect - it’s me that should be sorry. I might have thought you were taking him from me but it was me that took him from you._

_I couldn’t just be content to be his friend or his business partner. I had to make him my blood brother and family too. I’m still so greedy now that even that’s not good enough for me, but I would never be able to look you in the eye and tell you that._

_I  even made you third place at your own brother's wedding. Sure he had your dad as his best man, but we both know if I'd said yes it would probably have been me. He keeps his word. But really I was selfish to think I deserved to decide that for him anyway._

_For what it’s worth - thanks, Cole. For being the only other person I could look up to._

 

**I’m sorry.**

****\- Link** **

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always comments are love <3 please leave one :)
> 
> Any ideas who Link could write to next? (Besides Rhett) please let me know :) it will keep this story going.


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